Look, job prospects for students and new graduates suck. They truly, truly suck. It’s no surprise that youth are turning to parents – or a sibling or a family friend or a doctor’s cousin’s insurance broker – for help. Asking for a foot in the door does not mean that no hard work is required. It just means that the opportunity to do well and prove oneself is present. Sure, some horrible workers get great jobs because of their powerful parents – that’s the way of the world – but most kids really just want to find some gig from which they can work their way up.
So, getting a little help is not necessarily a bad thing, and since everyone else is helping his or her offspring, it would make sense for a parent to help theirs. “It’s a difficult employment situation right now,” one parents says in the MSNBC article. “I’m getting calls from people who have children in college or about to graduate asking the same thing of me: ‘Do you have an internship? Are there positions available?’ I try to match them up.”
But here’s where it all goes a little sour: some parents are crazy. And some kids are either lazy as heck or have no shame. How else can anyone explain the trend (mentioned in the article) of parents checking in on the job status of a child’s application? I’d have been mortified if my mom or dad were ever to call a potential employer – even at 15. The idea that parents are doing this for their 20-something-year-old children is baffling.
“I recently received a call from the mother of a Ph.D. student who was applying to jobs on behalf of the daughter and thought there was nothing wrong with it,” Steven Rothberg, president and founder of CollegeRecruiter.com, says. “The mother asked for suggestions for what jobs she should apply to on behalf of the daughter and I told her none.” Please note that this student – since she’s approaching the end of her Ph.D. – is in her late 20s and applying for a professional position.
In what world is the above example one of an appropriate action for a parent? And what sort of self-respecting person would allow a meddling parent to become that involved in their job hunt? Not to mention the fact that this person will one day soon (most likely) have a doctorate degree. According to Rothberg, the mother was surprised by his reaction. “It had never occurred to her that her daughter should be in charge of her own career,” he says.
Parents are also weaseling their way into salary negotiations. While I might ask for advice from family and friends, I would never expect them to come anywhere near my actual salary negotiation. This is apparently not the case for some people in their 20s, at least not according to Lisa Fedrizzi-Hutchins, a hiring manager for an environmental company in New York.
After she made a job offer to an entry-level candidate (and asked her to review the offer and call with any questions), Fedrizzi-Hutchins told MSNBC that she received an unpleasant surprise. “The following day, I received a phone call from her mother because she felt her negotiation skills were far better than her daughter,” Fedrizzi-Hutchins says. “She had explained to me that the salary was far too low for her daughter to live comfortable in New York City and wanted to know what we needed to do to bring her salary up.” Not only was the mother acting completely inappropriately by making the phone call, but she also had a warped sense of an entry-level employee's worth (the woman asked for four week's of vacation for her daughter instead of the two offered).
Another startling trend is that of parents showing up at job fairs alongside their kids, as career advisors noted in the article. I find it hard to decide if these examples are saying more about the parents or the kids. In any case, it’s all too much - way, way too much. A phone call or e-mail to an acquaintance that might know of a job opportunity is one thing, but actually doing the entire job search for your kid is not just going overboard in my books. It shows an absolute lack of boundaries in the relationship.
Have you ever experienced a parent going overboard to help their kid find a job? How much help is it appropriate to give your job-seeking offspring? And who do you think comes off worse in these situations – the kid or the parent?
My wife's status is that of a recent permanent resident. She applied for a job and was hired. She was asked to come in for orientation while she was still employed with another company. After orientation they began to question her ability to read and write english. They telephoned to her and said they might not be able to give her a job and said that maybe she shouldn't quit her other job. This was after she already gave a 2 week notice to her employer.
I intervened on my wife's behalf. She has now been working there for over 2 years and one of their best workers.
The point is sometimes when the person seeking employment has little experience a helping hand can be beneficial. In my wife's case she probably would have just politely agreed with whatever she was told and walked away because she lacked the ability and experience to stand up for herself and be assertive.
I see no problem with accompanying my newly graduated son to a job fair and pointing him in the right direction and coaching him on what to say and do.
Posted by: steven | 06/20/2012 at 09:59 PM
I'm still a teenager who works a part-time entry level job, and I would be mortified if my parents started medling in my personal affairs in such a way.
I'm also going off to University next year and I have absolutely no intention of allowing my parents to contact prospective employers. If anything, would someone not have a far greater chance at obtaining a job if they themselves actually applied for it?
Posted by: Erika | 06/20/2012 at 11:51 PM
I would have recinded the offer to the woman (perhaps 'girl' is more appropriate) whose mother called to negotiate salary.
One of the ways we improve at skills (like negotiation and self-advocation) is to try, fail and try again with better information. Why would parents want to sabotage that process?
Is it hubris or lack of confidence in their children, that parents feel that their presence is required in each step of their children's development? What would these children do if Mom and Dad were suddenly gone?
As loathe as I am to quote Dr. Phil, he has some good advice about parenting: a parent's job is to prepare their child for the next stage of their life.
By the end of high school, a youth should be able to complete and submit their OWN application to post-secondary life (either school or a job); find a place to live in this endeavour, or negotiate a living arrangement with Mom & Dad (that doesn't include a personalized sippy cup and mittens pinned to jackets); and ultimately find the resources to set his/her direction in life. Believe it or not, billions of people have managed this throughout history!
The same parents who insist on doing everything for their children are the same who can't figure out why their unemployed children are still living at home at 40 y/o and not contributing to the household.
Posted by: KH | 06/21/2012 at 11:38 AM
That's amazing that someone who is a permanent resident can get a job full-time, based on a call. Or do I? Of course I don't, this is Canada, and nepotist hiring practices exist in universities to Tim Hortons! Everyone I know who was born and raised here in Canada feel as though it was better to be recent immigrants instead of citizens. People I know have gone to school here, actually KNOW English and French, and can only maintain contract positions, but newcomers seem to have people they know here who GET them jobs that Canadian students and graduates of both colleges and universities deserve. And before anyone decides to say that Canadians don't want to do the jobs that 'others' are taking, my friends and family have applied for cleaning jobs, shift grocery store jobs and fast food joints, even though they are trained to work in financial institutions. Most of them have worked in banks but they get laid off because someone brings in yet ANOTHER family member who yet AGAIN doesn't know English and doesn't even have a permanent resident card. Some lady just got her card and got a full-time job in a bank, a space they made for her by letting go of a full-time Canadian born manager who just had twins and studied Financial Management at Ryerson University. What a great frickin' country we live in, eh?! Long live NEPOTISM! I can only wish that when these peoples' kids and grandkids are born in this country, newcomers take their jobs away too, maybe they will know how it feels to spend so much on a false dream of actually getting a job with the education you received from post-secondary schools. What goes around, comes around, and I hope all of these non-citizens, get it coming around sooner than later.
Posted by: Anjie777 | 06/25/2012 at 12:59 AM
I meant to start off with, I find it amazing...! Which obviously, as stated, I don't. Bonne nuit! Bon débarras!
Posted by: Anjie777 | 06/25/2012 at 01:05 AM
AND ANOTHER FRICKIN' THING...maybe the state of all affairs today from postal services to banking services, from fast food to call centre employees would be better or exceedingly more superior if the people companies hired, actually HAD the experience required and skills/qualifications required. That way people with LITTLE experience and NO ENGLISH OR FRENCH, wouldn't be speaking to us telling us they can't understand when we speak, even though WE actually speak the official TWO national languages in this country. I guess it really is who you know or who you blow, and that goes for men too.
Posted by: Anjie777 | 06/25/2012 at 01:12 AM
In this day and age,jobs are pretty hard to get.It's not who you know,but who you blow to get hired.
Posted by: Adolph | 07/02/2012 at 01:34 AM